Moms, this week I’m talking about fear…!!
You know that fearful feeling that crops up and stops us from following through with things we really want or instances where we would like to say something and hold back… For years fear kept me from doing things I really wanted. I had lots of fear of what people thought of me, fear of making a mistake, and fear of not being liked.
I had no idea what fear actually meant and how to move past it…
I thought that when fear showed up I needed to listen to it and take it seriously, such as, you can’t do that, say that, be that, who are you to discuss these things, you are not a great writer, speaker and even a great mom.
However, as some of you know I love reading and after several books about the power of your mind, I found out that fear is a good thing in the sense it is here to protect us. It’s our body’s primal response to protect us from a potential threat, and in the case of real danger then this is a healthy warning to save our lives. However other fears like the ones I’ve mentioned above can be irrational and they need to be called out, thought through and as is often the case – faced! Otherwise, it can stop us from living our best lives.
You might have also heard of the old adage feel the fear and do it anyway. I used to think that was for only successful/lucky people however it turns out even successful people get fearful. Yes, fear never leaves us, every time we do something new, fear will appear, no matter how successful we become…
Therefore, knowing all this I decided to face my fear recently of public speaking, and did my first Facebook live (which is not a big thing for some people but for me it was!) I was panicked! Fearing all the worst case scenarios, saying the wrong thing, what will people think of me etc. However, I faced it and did it anyway and at the other side of my fear was a surprise, a feeling of excitement – I was so thrilled that I did it and was no longer as fearful about the next one.
I’ve also faced a number of other fears recently which has allowed me to change careers, stay at home with Issey, set up this blog and host a private mom’s Facebook group. Now doing all these things wasn’t easy however I believe anything worthwhile never is…
So sharing all this information about fear might help you understand it intellectually, but I also have some tools/tips that I use which have provided me much-needed clarity when fear shows up:
- Call it out and work through it:
- You might be interested to know that our mind can’t distinguish between a real fear/threat or an irrational fear that crops up and tends to play on a loop (you know the ones that keep us from falling asleep at night ;0), the mind still believes you are in danger and sends all the necessary chemicals to your body to send you into fight or flight. When these chemicals are running through your body, it’s hard to put anything into perspective as you’ve got cortisol running through your veins and everything seems heightened. So the best thing to do is call it out or even write it out, and I use this little phrase I heard from Sonia Choquette ‘If I had no fear I would?’
- This phrase will help to explore the fearful story and whether it’s rational or irrational? Maybe the fear is just signalling us to slow down, and/or find out some more information… I always find that once I do this more rationality shows up and I start to feel more sure about things.
- Meditation has helped me overcome a lot of (engrained) fearful thoughts, it relaxes my mind and body, and it always calms everything down. I’ve also found the more I meditate the less fearful instances I have, so that has been truly beneficial to me and why I am sharing this as a tool to use when feeling fearful. Whatsmore at the start of my meditation if I am unsure of anything and/or feeling fearful I will ask myself in my mind ‘why is this fear here, why is this showing up?’ Every time I do this I always get a clear answer and then I can make an informed decision.
- The last tip is trusting and believing in yourself that you will make the right decision no matter how fearful you are feeling about something.
- Sometimes we just have to give ourselves credit and trust that the best outcome will materialise. I always live by the premise that ‘the Universe has our back’
- I often say to myself that life is short, I am not going to live this exact life again, so why not try out all that life has to offer, even if certain things I try don’t work…. at the very least I know they are not for me.
- It also sets an example for Issey that I am not afraid of failure and that life is ultimately an experience.
So Moms, please let me know your thoughts and experiences on fear. Maybe you have some other tools/methods that you use and I’d love you to share with us.
Please feel free to post your questions or comments below 🙂
Best wishes and Love, L X